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Somewhere between Jennifer Eccles and King Midas In Reverse. You can be so arch and elliptical that nobody actually realises you were trying to make a point in the first place. And then you can just miss your target altogether. Here are ten songs that, with the best will in the world, are hardly likely to find themselves feted as a lost call to arms.

8220;Out of the fire, and into the frying pan. These were the words that flashed through my mind, as a crossbow bolt pinned me to the wall. The shooter, a stone-cold-stunner of a sow, broke the silence.

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